Unknotting
by Covante
Summary: Set in 6th year. After confiding in her about something Harry tries to get Hermione to tell him what's been bothering her all term. She makes a few realizations, some more important than others.


**I don't own Harry Potter. Or Hermione Granger. I'm sadder about the latter.**

"So now that we talked about what's wrong with me are you going to tell me what's been bothering you?"

"I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're talking about Harry. Nothing has been bothering me."

"Uh huh. How about you look me in the eyes while you say that instead of staring at your hands. Then_ maybe_ I'll believe you."

She didn't like that, not at all. She still hadn't been looking at him when he said it but she could _hear_ the smirk in his voice. "If I say I'm fine that means I'm fine."

He couldn't help himself; he had to laugh at that. He managed to pull himself back together and saw her throwing him a sharp look. His grin just widened. "Come on Hermione you're talking to the _master_ of lying about being 'fine' here."

He was, at least in her estimation, radiating an unusual smugness. It was very out of character for Harry, who was normally the very picture of modesty, to be acting smug at all. She didn't know what had brought about this change in him but she knew she didn't like it. "Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing at me?" She saw his face fall a bit, more than a bit if she were honest, and instantly regretted her snappishness. Uh-oh. He was wearing his serious and deliberate face now. That meant he was determined to pry something out of her and if Harry was determined well then… She gave a brief mental sigh knowing he wasn't going to leave her alone about this; she'd have to come up with something to tell him.

"I told you what was bothering me Hermione. I thought you'd be able to help, you usually have every answer there is or at the very least some reference book in mind to run off to. Even though you couldn't really answer the question I had I still feel better having asked you about it. You can trust me; you know that. I just want you to tell me what's been bothering you and even if I have no idea how to help, I'll try my best to understand of course, maybe you'll still be able to feel better too. Just from having told someone."

He was still looking at her with all that earnestness and concern. Damn! Either he was going all blurry around the edges or she was crying. She folded her arms over each other on the table and dropped her face onto them. She heard herself start sobbing and thought that sometimes she really _hated_ being a girl. That stupid sappy boy; he just had to pick one of the worst days he could to be all sincere and sentimental on. _AHHHHH_! She really didn't want to be crying in front of him. She _never_ wanted to cry in front of him, not him. She couldn't be weak around him, she knew that no matter what else he might need or not need from her he'd always need her to be strong, not some weepy girl. She felt a hand come up her back, slide under her hair and start squeezing her neck then the pressure left and came back again. It didn't hurt exactly but it wasn't the most comfortable feeling either; if she had to liken it to something she'd say it was like a child was trying to strangle her from the wrong side. She had no idea what he was doing. She actually managed a pause in her crying for a few moments trying to puzzle out why he would be awkwardly squeezing her neck before it hit her and brought on a fresh wave of tears. Sweet, stupid, sweet boy was trying to comfort her by rubbing her back; he just had no idea what he was doing. Bloody Dursleys!

After a minute or so the weeping devolved to giggling. Wait. Giggling? She was Hermione Granger of the books and cleverness not Lavender Brown of the fashion and gossip she didn't _giggle_. This was really not the sort of day she wanted to be having serious emotional discussions on. '_Oh well, stiff upper lip… despite the bloody lower lips,_'she thought with a hidden grin. She managed to throw off the giggles, honestly giggles? Hmmph! "Harry?"

"Hmm?" He couldn't really manage more of an answer. He was too engrossed in rubbing Hermione's back. It had worked too! She'd stopped crying. Well she stopped crying then started crying harder but then she stopped crying again and started giggling. Giggling! Hermione _never_ giggles. It had worked better than he had hoped; he decided that this helping crying girls stuff wasn't so hard after all. Sure he'd bollixed it up that first time with Cho but he didn't really know Cho and he'd, justifiably, been justifiably shocked at just having been kissed for the first time. He knew Hermione though and he could apparently make Hermione stop crying quite easily, even if he had no bloody clue _why_ she was crying. That just meant he was even better at this stopping a girl crying thing if he could get them to stop without even knowing why they were crying in the first place. Right? A big grin split his face as he realized he must be a master massager.

She gave out a tiny sigh. "You're a terrible masseuse you know."

That killed his grin. His hand rocketed off the back of her neck and twined up with its mate in his lap. He realized she hadn't stopped crying because he'd helped her, she hadn't just been giggling, she'd been laughing at him, at what a bad job he'd been doing. "Err sorry. I didn't hurt you or anything did I?"

She looked up at him in confusion. "Did you hurt me? Of course you didn't. I was laughing wasn't I?" Honestly, boys could be so thick sometimes.

Relief washed over him; he hadn't hurt her. He wasn't quite sure _why_ he had been worried about that, why would he have instantly assumed he'd been hurting her? She was right about her having been laughing at his attempt at rubbing her back. Wait. No she wasn't right about that. A grin spread its way back across his face. "You weren't laughing."

"I'm pretty sure I was Harry."

"No. No you definitely weren't."

She didn't really like the tone he was taking with her and a touch of heat found its way into her voice. "I seem to remember laughing. If that's not what I was doing what is it that I was doing?" Ha! That little bit of word vomit knocked some of the wry out of his grin. She hoped she could distract him away from where he'd been going. It didn't hurt that she liked the way he looked when he was all confused. It was very cute. Cute? Where had that come from?

What had she just said? It seemed like she had used the same words over and over in one little sentence, they were all little easy words but it just seemed there were too many of them too close together for him to be sure what she'd just asked. Had it even been a question? This was harder than normal, he was used to Hermione using one big, obscure word in a sentence he didn't know but he could usually figure out the basics of what she was saying. This was new though. Hmm. Ahh! She must have been trying to distract him. Well he wasn't going to let it work. "You, Hermione Jane Granger, were" he plastered his best smug grin back into place, "_giggling_."

'_Damn!_' That distraction hadn't worked very well at all. Damn this boy's ability to focus when he wanted to. Best to fight this fire head-on she decided. She snapped her eyes onto his and threw him a look positively dripping with haughty affrontery. "Was not!"

"Were so. I saw it myself; I heard it myself. Hermione Jane Granger was giggling. What will Lavender and Parvati say?"

He wouldn't. "You wouldn't dare!"

His only response was a tilted brow.

"Harry James Potter! Don't you tilt your stupid eyebrow at me. If you so much as breathe a word about this I'll… I'll… You'll regret it."

He looked at her with faux concern. "What would McGonagall think? Her prize student caught giggling like a common schoolgirl? The shame." He tilted his head down and frowned though he kept his eyes on her.

"If you know what's good for you then you are not going to tell anyone you saw me giggling Harry Potter." He was titling that stupid insufferable eyebrow again.

"Convince me."

"Oh and how do you want me to do that?" Okay so maybe she was pouting a little bit now but she couldn't help it. How did he manage to look all sweet and serious and concerned again while still holding onto that triumphant grin?

"That's easy Hermione. You just have to tell me what's been bothering you."

Damn! Why did he have to come back to this again? She'd been having such a good time just now too. Harry was almost never playful like this anymore. They hadn't just kidded around and teased each other in years and she didn't want to ruin it. How could she possibly tell him that she was upset because she was jealous of him having a stupid book and Ron having a stupid girl? That she felt that no one needed her anymore? That she was useless and unwanted? That she didn't think anyone cared about her anymore, that she'd been replaced? It was just pathetic. This was Harry though and well maybe he was right; maybe telling someone would help. She couldn't admit to her parents how pathetic she was but maybe just maybe Harry _would_ be able to help. He'd always been willing to help her before and he seemed very sincere about this just now. "It's rather pathetic. You can't laugh."

"You know you can tell me anything Hermione. There is no way I'd ever think _you _were pathetic and I'd never laugh at you."

Damn again! Quit melting you useless bloody heart! The sweetness of this boy never stopped amazing her. If he kept this up she'd be crying again in no time.

"Watch out though; I might just giggle a bit."

Okay maybe he's not _that_ sweet. The image of Harry Potter giggling like a little girl made its way into her mind and she knew she shouldn't; she really, really shouldn't. She couldn't stop herself though and another giggle forced its way from her throat. She managed to quickly stifle it and drew her fist to her mouth to try and cover it with a cough. She looked up and saw he was quivering with the effort of repressed laughter; it looked almost like he was in pain with how hard he was trying to hold back. "It's okay, go ahead and laugh." When she looked up he was looking at her in that completely sober and earnest way again though.

"No." He said a bit more forcefully that he'd intended. He met her eyes, softened his tone a bit and continued less forcefully but still just as sincerely. "I said I wouldn't so I won't. I want you to be able to trust me; no matter what."

She didn't bother calling her heart bloody useless or telling it to stop melting this time. She knew it wouldn't do any good, though as she stared into those brilliant green eyes she did idly wonder how it was a puddle could still beat and pump. Damn. He was getting all blurry again.

Tears? Why was she crying again? He thought he'd said something nice; he just wanted her to be able to trust him like he trusted her. He looked off to the side so he could give her a bit of privacy, he knew she hated crying in front of him; she always would go off somewhere else when something would make her cry whether it was a simple row with Ron or something more serious she'd always try to stay brave in front of him; he wasn't sure why but he knew that's what she did. That's why he was so surprised when he felt the head press into his chest and the arms wrap around his neck and squeeze. He'd only ever seen Hermione crying a couple times before today, he'd seen her go off somewhere to cry plenty of course, today though he'd seen her cry twice; the first time wasn't entirely unprecedented just a bit unusual but he'd never had her cry _on_ him before. He couldn't think of anything better to do so he just wrapped one arm around her waist and brought the other hand up to awkwardly massage her neck again. Sure he knew he was doing it wrong, she'd flat out told him he was terrible at it but she also hadn't corrected his method and it _had_ seemed to work, well sort of. "I'm sorry Hermione. I'm not really sure what I did wrong but I swear I wasn't trying to make you cry again. I just want you to be able to talk to me about any problems you have. We both know I dump more than enough of mine on you."

"Harry you're a very sweet boy; more than a bit helpless at dealing with girls, but still, very sweet for trying so hard. You're still doing that wrong you know?"

"I know. I couldn't think of anything better to do though. You want me to stop?"

"No."

He felt her drop one of her arms from his neck down to his back, the other was pulled away until her hand was resting on his neck and then she was rubbing the muscle of his neck with her fingers on one side and thumb on the other in a way that he couldn't really describe other than to say it felt great.

"Like that."

He adjusted his movements to try and mimic what she was doing to him. He was sure he wasn't doing nearly as good of a job as she was but he felt he was at least doing better than he had been. "Am I doing it right?" He felt her press her head further into his shoulder but she didn't respond. Maybe he was doing better than he'd thought. "I take it that's a yes then?"

"Mmm." She found herself thinking that maybe Harry wasn't so hopeless with girls after all; he just needed a small bit instruction and then he seemed to take right to it. She burrowed a little tighter up against him, pressing her chest more firmly into his. She thought she was maybe being somewhat overly intimate with a boy who is supposed to just be her platonic friend but Merlin did that feel good. If him just rubbing her neck could do this to her then what would happen if he were to rub her… Stupid hormones need to shut up; that's Harry they're talking about and Harry is her best friend and nothing else. Stupid bloody hormones, stupid bloody period. Damn! She was giggling again.

"So all I have to do is rub your neck and you'll start giggling?"

She laughed at that then pulled back away from him to look him in the eye and was secretly thrilled that the hand stayed with her neck and continued with its much improved massaging. She saw he was smiling at her; he still seemed to be carefully not laughing but he was smiling. She gave him one in return.

"I prefer that you know." He saw the questioning look and added, "The laughing. I'd rather hear you laughing than giggling." Her smile broadened and so did his.

"Thank you Harry; I prefer it too."

"Good then we're agreed, lots more laughing, no more giggling. I'm glad I got to see it but honestly it's a little weird seeing you do it. I mean, well that is, I like you as you are; I wouldn't want you turning into another Lavender."

She wasn't sure how he managed to do it but somehow he'd said _exactly_ the thing she had wanted to hear, what she _needed_ to hear. She stared into those familiar unblinking green eyes searching for even the slightest hint of what she now, again, desperately wanted to see there.

Hermione was staring into his eyes searching for something, he didn't know what she was looking for but whatever it was he knew he wanted to give it to her; he tried to express with his eyes that he was willing to give her anything she asked for, whatever she needed from him, if he had it then it was hers. She was chewing on her bottom lip which meant that she was trying to make a decision about something. He wanted to just tell her that anything she needed all she had to do was ask him and he'd give it to her but somehow he understood that it was very important that he not say anything right now so he just kept meeting her gaze and tried to will that thought of willingness and openness towards her that desire to please her.

There! She'd seen it. A thrill ran down her spine. Now all she had to do was not be a coward. She closed her eyes and started leaning forward. DON'T BE A COWARD! DON'T BE A COWARD! DON'T BE A COWARD! DON'T BE A COWARD! DON'T BE A COWARD! Who was she trying to kid she couldn't do this. Something inside her cried out in despair as she altered her trajectory to land on Harry's cheek. She couldn't keep the slight frown of disappointment off her face.

Hermione was closing her eyes; she had found what she was looking for. Hermione stopped chewing her lip; she had made a decision. Hermione was licking her lips; that's odd. Hermione was leaning in towards him; Hermione was going to kiss him. Wait! What? Realization crashed over him in powerful waves followed immediately by tsunami of surprise. His eyes were glued wide open with the shock of the situation. Hermione was going to kiss him? Hermione? Hermione!? He struggled to wrap his head around it. Luckily it seemed he had time; he wasn't sure if it was just his imagination or what but she was moving towards him at an absolutely glacial pace. It was like he was watching her leaning in towards him after she'd been hit with an impediment jinx.

He found he couldn't move but he could think; there were seemingly thousands of thoughts flitting through his mind. Thoughts of Ginny; Ginny was perfectly happy snogging Dean. Thoughts of Ron; Ron was perfectly happy snogging Lavender. Thought of Hermione; Hermione apparently would be perfectly happy snogging him. Thoughts of himself; what did he want? Did he want Hermione to kiss him? Did he want to kiss Hermione? He'd not really thought about her like that. He'd not allowed himself to; he'd known for years that Ron fancied her. He'd thought she fancied Ron; she'd certainly been upset about something when she saw him snogging Lavender. That's right Ron was snogging Lavender so obviously Ron didn't actually fancy her, it was odd, he'd been so sure about that but that's one thing off the list. He thought he liked Ginny; he was definitely upset when he saw Ginny snogging Dean. Well if Ron was off Hermione's mind for snogging Lavender then Ginny could be off his mind for snogging Dean. No point panting after someone who isn't even available. That just left thoughts of Hermione and of himself. Well Hermione was making it clear that she wanted to kiss him so that really just left thoughts of himself. Bollocks! He was always absolute pants at figuring out what he should do when it came to girls. With no Sirius around he'd have to ask Hermione what… Well it was quite clear what Hermione would tell him to do right about now. That wasn't so hard. It's decided then; he'd just kiss Hermione. Holy crap! He was going to kiss Hermione! Wait? Why should that be so surprising? They got along very well together, he'd always thought she was pretty, and she obviously wanted to kiss him. Why should this be so surprising?

Now why was she frowning? She looked almost, disappointed? He hadn't even kissed her yet; it was a bit early for her to be disappointed in his kissing ability when they hadn't even kissed yet. Oh! She must want him to move in and kiss her. She's disappointed _he'd_ not kissed _her_ yet. That must be why she was moving so slow, she was waiting for him to meet her halfway. Stupid of him really not to have realized that. He knew he didn't want to disappoint her further by keeping her waiting so he quickly moved forward.

She couldn't believe what a horrible coward she was. She was incredibly disappointed with herself. She'd given up waiting for Harry to notice her midway through last year but today she'd finally seen that spark of desire in his eyes and she was going to kiss him but she was a coward, a pitiful coward aiming for the cheek. Oh, this was King's Cross after fourth year all over again. Her mother had told her that there is point worrying about losing something if you never truly had it to begin with and she was starting to realize what that had meant. She regretted her lack of courage she really did. It hurt to be a coward but surely it hurt worse to be rejected. She acknowledged her cowardice and resigned herself to never finding out just what it was she'd be risking the loss of. She gave a little mental sigh as she moved to kiss her best friend… on the cheek… again. She felt her lips make contact a little too early and involuntarily, subconsciously, she wasn't sure what to call it, all she knew was that she pressed in a little tighter. Her eyes flew open. That's _definitely_ _not_ Harry's cheek! She realized he must have closed the gap between them himself. Harry had met her halfway and moved in to kiss her. Harry was kissing her! That sweet wonderful boy had anticipated what she needed and provided it. She felt the hand come up onto her cheek and her arms were twining back around his neck holding him to her and it wasn't just her heart that was melting anymore.

He wasn't sure for how long, maybe always; it had felt like there was an uncomfortable knot tied in his stomach somewhere, always twitching, always aching, just a constant murmur of discomfort, and a background feeling that something was, well, wrong. That had all just come undone. The only way he could describe was that he felt right. He felt right for the first time he could remember and he felt as good as he'd ever felt, no, better. This was the best he'd ever felt. The only times he'd ever felt anything like this were his first time on a broom and the time Sirius said he could come live with him but though those were similar this was better. This was much, _much _better. This was _right_.

She didn't feel what she'd been expecting. It was nothing like the first kisses she'd read about. There was no electricity that pulsed through her; she didn't see fireworks behind her eyelids, her toes didn't curl up, there was no fire coursing through her veins, not even any angels singing. It was as though all the nervous tension she'd been holding onto her whole life, every worry she'd clung to, every insecurity that had been riding piggyback around on her had just evaporated away. There was just an overwhelming feeling of rightness. That was the only adjective she could think of to describe it; it just felt right. She didn't know if this was how it was supposed to feel but she was very glad that it did.

**A/N: I cut this from a story I'm writing because it happens too soon, Mrs. Granger misses her oppurtunities to say some really clever stuff if this kiss happens this early. I coulnd't stop myself from writing it though didn't want to just scrap it so we'll see how it stands as a one shot. Hope you enjoyed it.**


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